I Have Two Fathers (...and no they are not gay)
Updated: Oct 3, 2018
The foundation of my blog is my name and family. I believe in order to successfully, share my story I must be as transparent as possible. So, today I am talking about my own family history and journey. If you are not in my inner-circle you probably would not know, I have two fathers. I was born in South Carolina and lived there for about five years. Eventually, my mother and I moved to Ohio where my mother got married to my father. My mother is an incredible woman who has instilled great principles into me. She never taught me to acknowledge any of my family members as step or half. In her eyes family was simply family and you should love them just as that. There has never been a minute where my mother has bashed either of my fathers in front of me. Nonetheless, she has been open about the frustrating situations we have gone through and let me interpret them on my own.
Moreover, through her own experiences she has been able to guide me through my own “daddy issues” and I am forever grateful for this. There are many women in this world who struggle with their relationship with their fathers. A lot of times we do not acknowledge these feelings which can turn into bitterness. These nasty feelings often times affect the way we love other family members, our friends, and even the opposite sex. Personally, I have had to become intentional about acknowledging my feelings so that I could be holistically healthy. I have learned many lessons that I would like to share with you through this journey.
1. Appreciate those who planted and are watering your seeds –
In Exodus 20:12 it states, “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Even though it is a clear commandment in The Bible, it is something I struggled with for a long time. I found myself becoming bitter and angry towards my biological father, in ways that did not honor him. Through my devotion and prayer I learned I must forgive, so that I could properly honor him. At the end of the day, the man gave me life and for that I should be eternally grateful. On the other hand, I must appreciate the man who is in my day-to-day life. Even though I am not his “biological” child he has made numerous sacrifices so that I can achieve and accomplish my dreams. Whether it was spending hours in cotillion rehearsals #haha or giving me his last when I was running low. Both of the men in my life have somehow shaped me into the young woman, you see today.
2. Understand you are not the only one in this situation
As I grew older, it becomes clearer that my parents and I are not the only ones involved in this journey. I have siblings, aunts, and family friends who are pieces to the puzzle as well. When everything “clicked” for my younger brother, Jaedon there were many discussions. For a second, I am sure the little boy pondered on a lot of things. My mother was honest with him and allowed him to express his own feelings. Sometimes, when we go through our own issues we become selfish and do not understand how it might affect others. We must acknowledge the situation so that we can better accommodate others’ feelings. Moreover, we must be humble to see that you are not the only hurting in the situation.
3. Do not be ashamed
Until high school, I rarely talked about my “other” family to my friends. It was like a big secret that I carried around and did not want to talk about it. When I did start talking about it to friends, I learned that every family has their own struggles. Talking with others made me realize that this is something that a lot of families struggle with in my own community. The more I shared with my friends and family the more I was able to cope with my own struggles. I am a firm believer that we must share our stories with each other, so that we can better remove our own burdens. There are many beautiful things that can come out of fruition from blended families. In order for those seeds to sprout we must be comfortable and not ashamed of our own stories
4. Go at your own pace
Being transparent, all my “daddy issues” are not resolved and I do not expect them to be resolved anytime soon. I appreciate my mother for allowing me to go at my own pace in my healing journey. Many times my family members tried to dictate how she should raise her child. Avril, being the God-fearing woman she is, was only guided by the Holy Spirit. There will be many opinions and comments that follow you through life about your situations. You must be in-depth in your Word to develop a discerning spirit so you can make the best decisions for you. If you are truly guided by the Lord, he will not lead you wrong. Finally, when you acknowledge your feelings do not rush the healing process… just let God move.
Each week when I write it allows me to heal many of my issues in my own type of way. It is my prayer that each week when I share more of my story, you are encouraged to share your own. Lord knows that I have and will continue to struggle with my “daddy issues.” But I know there are women out there who have overcame their “daddy issues” or other issues. I hope to continue to learn from these women so that I can better my own life. This week, I charge you to acknowledge your story and when you are comfortable share your story. It took me weeks to finally write this blog but I know that at least one person will be encouraged (…even if it is just my mama). So when you are ready share your story so that others’ can be healed by it.