Sis..You Will Never Be Perfect
As a Black girl in a suburban school district, I felt like I had a lot to prove from my academics to social life. I had to know what was going on in my AP classes (…when I was lost 70% of the time) and then voice my concerns on the injustices in my school and America. Each year, I would walk down the hallways like I had it all together, even though my life was in shambles. I was not excelling in any of my classes because I was too tired to get work down and barely had anytime to participate in things I actually enjoyed.
One day, I just broke in my guidance counselor’s office. It was on that day Mrs. Bourisseau made me ingrain into my mind that I was not perfect and will never be perfect. That day was probably one of the most pivotal moments in my life. Since then I have learned a lot about myself. Moreover, I have gathered some strategies that I want to share with you
1. Be vulnerable with yourself and others – To be honest after I broke down in Bourisseau’s office, I had many more breakdowns. AND IT WAS OKAY! We should never feel ashamed of our emotions. You must be real with yourself and not try to achieve perfection. If we are aiming to be perfect we will never become satisfied because we will continue to find something to correct. On the other hand, we must be vulnerable with others. Find that one person that will take the time to allow you to fully expose who you are, with no judgment. No one likes that person who always thinks they are right or carries themselves as the perfect person. When I tried to be perfect, I noticed that my friend group dwindled and it was even harder for me to engage with others. People want to be able to connect with real people who are going through similar highs and lows.
2. Identify your Bourisseau – We need people in our life who will be honest with us and tell us that we are doing too much. Bourisseau had me sit down and truly evaluate each activity that I was involved in and see if it added any value to my life. Most of my conversation was me arguing with her of why I needed to be involved in a particular activity. Nonetheless, when I truly listened to her I understood that I did not need to do it all. Moreover, I was so focused on being the perfect student that I did not listen to my friends when they said they could cover for me. Or when my parents were trying to take me places so that I could disconnect from the world. You may not need to go searching for new friends that hold you accountable, you may just need to start listening to what your love ones are telling you now.
3. Have a vision for your life – Now that I am in college, I have an idea of what I want to do with my life (…yes I know it will probably change). Overall, I know I want to use the gospel in order to bring harmony to the World. Therefore, I associated myself with organizations and people that will assist me in making this happen. On most campuses there are plenty of organizations to become involved in. Find 2-3 organizations that challenge you and better you as a person. This could be a professional society or even an organization about taking care of your natural hair. Moreover, make sure that you are surrounded by God-driven and motivating people. Luckily, my friends are like puzzle pieces, each contributing to my life in a different way which ultimately makes me a better person. Once you have a vision for yourself start aligning yourself with the right organizations and people.
Yes, I do try to apply these tips to my daily life but I still struggle with not being perfect in each element of my life. I find myself working on the same excel sheet for hours or planning what I am getting for my friends birthday super early so it can be “perfect.” Even if the excel sheet is just right or my friend loved their gift one element of my life is bond too be off. The later I stay at work to perfect a project, the less time I get to spend with friends or take care of myself. My friend’s reaction to her birthday gift might have been priceless, but I barely have any money in my bank account or did not tithe that week. When we aim for perfection we are not preserving our holistic health.
Moreover, perfectionism leads us to an ungodly world. When we start aligning ourselves with organizations and people just too be involved, we disconnect from God even more. This is why it is vital that we spend time studying The Bible and constantly praying. God will reveal people that you should remove from your life and ministries that you should become invested in. It is our job to obey him and listen to him. Ultimately, God knows what is best for us and to make our lives a tad easier we should just listen to what he is saying.
Now, I am not encouraging you all to be lazy in your actions as The Bible does say “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,” in Colossians 3:23. This means in everything that you do, do it with passion and diligence for God. And we know that God is the only perfect person in this World. Therefore, we must not seek joy through being perfect So this week I encourage you to listen to the Bourisseaus in your life and understand God’s plan for you through mediation. Secondly, I challenge you to intentionally schedule time for yourself and with God. . It is my prayer that you will be able to have a healthier holistic life and walk in your God give purpose.